In Performance

by Roka Walsh

Sid died Thursday night... in what can only be described as the most surreal, magical, powerful, and spirited exits you can imagine. She lived as she intended and she passed in the same way. After laying and not speaking for the entire day she said to her sister, Karen, "Help me up". Everyone went in and helped her into the wheelchair. It took about 10 minutes to get her into the living room (and had to have been completely exhausting for Sid). Once in the living room we were trying to prop her because she kept falling forward so Leanne just stood behind her and wrapped her arms around her. It's a beautiful image that will be etched into my memory forever. Karen swabbed her mouth and I held her hand. With in a minute she quietly died in Leanne' arms. She had said she didn't want to die alone. She wanted to die with Leanne and friends. She waited until all of us were there. Leanne, Karen, Andrea, Jamie, Kathy, Steve and I formed a group hug around her. I kid you not, she died with a smile on her face. The hospice nurse said she'd never seen that before. The smile was still there when we took her to the funeral home last night. We held a wake all day yesterday. The house filled up with so many people. We held a ceremony around Sid's body and everyone sent her off with prayers and wishes and memories. It was beyond incredible. It was magical. She is with us all. We were all singing "She did it her way". She did. She had a hand in everything that happened. I really believe that it was not only her love of life, but her love for Leanne that kept her hanging on. She was going to make sure that she grabbed every last piece of joy before she went.

Steve got the van from his dad's funeral home and we escorted Sid there. Sid hated being cold and Leanne was concerned with her body being put into the cooler before cremation. (Usually it takes a couple of days to get the paperwork signed and everything in order). Steve's dad fast-tracked everything. She stayed at her and Leanne's house until we took her and she went straight to cremation. Sid was cremated less than 24 hours after she died. Leanne, Michele, Janet, Bear, Steve, and I all said our final good-byes at the crematorium.

Everything happened as she would have wanted. Leanne is struggling, but she's incredibly strong. The love they shared will help to carry her through this. She has a good support system. Leanne and I have been through so much together. I look forward to being there for her. I feel honored to have witnessed what these two women shared and to have been a part of this process. I've learned so much from both of them. I will miss Sid more than I can say, but she's left pieces of her spirit with all of us. She's finally at peace... with a smile on her face. I can almost hear her laughing...

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably...And never regret anything that made you smile.

Comes the Dawn
After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
You learn that love doesn't mean leaning, and company doesn't mean security.
You begin to understand that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.
You begin to accept your defeats, with your head held high and your eyes wide open.
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
You learn to build your roads on today, because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
You learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong. You really do have worth.
You learn and learn...and you learn.
With every goodbye, you learn. V. Shoffstall
Leanne -
your heart is a sponge, let it be saturated with the love and light that Sid has left you .
know that I love you, Laura